Your soulmates and the past…

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“In certain reincarnations, we divide into two. Our souls divide as do crystals and stars, cells and plants.

“Our soul divides in two, and those new souls are in turn transformed into two and so, within a few generations, we are scattered over a large part of Earth.”

“And does only one of those parts know who it is?” asked Brida. She had many questions to ask, but she wanted to ask them one at a time, and this seemed the most important.

“We form part of what the alchemists call the Anima mundi, the Soul of the World,” said Wicca, without replying to the ques- tion. “The truth is that if the Anima mundi were merely to keep dividing, it would keep growing, but it would also become gradu- ally weaker. That is why, as well as dividing into two, we also find ourselves. And that process of finding ourselves is called Love. Because when a soul divides, it always divides into a male part and a female part.

“That’s how the Book of Genesis explains it: the soul of Adam was split in two, and Eve was born out of him.”

Wicca stopped suddenly and sat looking at the cards scattered on the table.

“There are many cards,” she said, “but they’re all part of the same deck. In order to understand their message, we need them all, all are equally important. So it is with souls. Human beings are all interlinked, like the cards in this deck.

“In each life, we feel a mysterious obligation to find at least one of those Soul Mates. The Greater Love that separated them feels pleased with the Love that brings them together again.”

― Paulo Coelho, Brida

 

Leila was reading through her correspondence and she could not understand how it was possible that after all this time, she was still so moved, that it seemed like yesterday they wrote to each other such sweet words, felt so much love, melted into each other’s arms… Then he left… never to be hers again…

‘But how will I know who my Soulmate is?’
‘By taking risks’ she said to Brida. ‘By risking failure, disappointment, disillusion, but never ceasing in your search for Love. As long you keep looking, you will triumph in the end’.

― Paulo Coelho, Brida

 

‘I just wanted to write one last email while I’m still sitting on my
own in the only house you and I have ever known so far. Please don’t
respond to this because you are right, I’m not strong enough to resist
and this is my chance to finally do something of my choice.

I’ve just spent the night in the hotel room, packing, with L. on my
couch watching. We drank, ummm, I don’t know a bottle and a half of
wine for sure….

For the first time in my life I actually know someone loves me without
them telling me every second of every minute..and I mean you…

I’m sad to leave..I don’t want to leave…even though you are not here
I still feel you here in our room, in the corridors and especially when I’m near to L. We’ve had a
nice week together, mostly drunk, and mostly him hearing me talk about
you. ha ha

You are right..I already know what I should after eight years, it’s a
simple choice..between me doing what is “right” and what is right for
me, what will make me feel whole, complete and strong…with you I
feel all of those things and more..I can’t even describe. I literally
know I’m about to choose between a life of pain without you or a life
of joy beyond my wildess dreams with you..it’s a simple choice between
what is ‘right by society’ or ‘right by pseudo selfishness’..

The only true thing I know my love is that I absolutely know I love
you with all my heart but the really sad thing is I can’t promise you
that I have the courage to be myself and follow my heart. Only time
will tell…I ‘pray’ for the courage to be true to myself, even though
I know you think it is simple and it’s just a matter of doing. I
respect you so much for that, for always being you, for always
following your heart no matter what the outcome…

Again, please don’t email me back cause I can’t help myself but dream
and think of you and that just stalls me from making any kind of
choice. I just needed to be with you, in our room, one last time.

I love you baby and I hold you forever so close to my heart and
throughout my entire soul.
xxxxooo’

These was one of his last emails… The second last…

And her reply:

‘As you know by now, I always follow my heart, no matter what the outcome… I need to tell you this, even though maybe you know it already.
I make an effort though to make this as short as possible, even though there are so many things to be said…

You have chosen all your life to feel happy in your mind and then bared the consequences in reality… You know what I mean…
I chose the opposite…
I don’t know which one is harder… we all bear our own cross.

I hope for once you chose to live in reality, in this world, here, now, it’s a reality your soul has chosen to be able to evolve after all… That’s why we’re all here, that’s all that matters in this game…

We all need you here, now, not far away in your mind…

Strong or not… we’re All Strong, it’s just a matter of how asleep & numb we are and how soon we chose to awake and evolve, go beyond our limitations and be free, so we can move on to overcome other & other limitations, and finally just be free of everything and find ourselves… It’s not something we can avoid, just postpone…

Whatever your choice is… please don’t dream of me… I’m real and you will never get to really know me in your dreams…. Dreams distort reality and make us numb, they stop us from evolving….
You can’t evolve on your own. We need each other’s feedback & interaction, that’s why our soul has chosen this world for us to evolve…
It’s a world of interaction, not of dreams…
This won’t help make you stronger and all I want for you is to be strong and alive, leave your mind and just be there, wherever you chose to be.

When you decide I’m not the one for you, just imagine us on two clouds… two clouds tied to each other by ribbons of attachment… whatever you love about me that keeps you attached and doesn’t let you move on… Then take a pair of scissors and just cut… Say to yourself
” I let go of ….” and just cut… slowly and awake, concious… Then just kiss me & let go…. The clouds will part forever & you’ll be free of me… They say it works…

There’s nothing I want more for you then to be free & strong, even free of me if that’s what you want & need…

Please baby, free yourself from everything that you don’t need in your life and just make a reality of what makes you whole, awake & strong… That’s what your kids will need, that’s what anyone who loves you needs… Someone strong and able to be there mind, body & soul.

I don’t wannna be another ghost in your life to torture you and prevent you from being next to the ones you love in reality…

I’ll keep our clouds together till you call me & tell me what you want me to do, what you want and what kind of life you want to live…

I’m as addicted to you as you are, L. was right, it’s not easy…For the first time in your life you have to make a decision on your own, for the first time in my life I let go and let the person I love make the decision for us…
We make each other overcome limits and evolve… at least we can give each other this much…

I love you baby, please be yourself, be strong, you’re such an amazing person when you’re yourself, you have so much to give… Life can be beautiful, just please allow yourself to live, here, now, away from dreams and frustration, away from ghosts of the past…’

Tears were still flooding her eyes, dripping slowly, as she travelled back through time… She really loved him very much, so much that she allowed him to be free.

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‘It’s the first time in my life I’m not a woman of my word…
It hurts and makes me feel so weak and naked…
I’ve always been strong and stubborn at least… not now…
I have some first times with you too after all…
I wanted to write to you so many times… then I thought I should write the emails and not send them… start a book…
The truth is this is extremely painful for me… I know you love me, but I know you like to hurt yourself more… and that just breaks my heart, because it seems like you’ll choose again to be in pain and dream, instead of doing something that makes you happy…. It makes me feel futile, waiting for the results of a battle already lost…
I don’t really know how you are… I know for me, love can move mountains and there’s absolutely nothing that can stand against it… I have always thought this way and acted accordingly… I don’t know anything better, forgive me… I just don’t know how you can stay away from me, when for me it’s impossible to stay away from you…
I may regret this, feeling so stripped and naked before you, but I just can’t bare it anymore…
It’s depressing that all our life we wait, wait, wait… for whatever it is and eventually…. we wait some more…
I hate doing nothing and just wait… I need to put myself out out this misery… and move on… somehow, somewhere…
I prepared meals, cleaned the house, baked bread, whatever I do… you’re always in my thoughts and how perfect it would have been to share my time with you… All I am, all I have…
All I get is pain and a feeling of complete unfulfillment… Waiting, waiting for my life to end… or what?….
Im sorry for being weak…’

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‘You’re not weak, I’m weak and I’m sorry…
I’m so sorry for leaving you on the other side of the world waiting for a decision/answer from me. The thing I love most about you is that at least with you I don’t have to lie, I can just speak the truth with you.
You already know the answer because you know me so well. If you are waiting for me to make a life decision like this you could be waiting a long time or even eternity. I ask myself all the time what makes me happy and I should choose that. The answer is easy but making the choice is paralyzing for me. I feel like all my life I’ve been owned by someone else and unable to do things to make me happy. I keep reliving the same situation over and over and over again. It must be pathetic because I’m just so damn weak to do anything for myself and because of that I will never truly be happy. I’m so sick an tired of being in this goddamned situation.
I live with this massive fear of feeling regret and that’s what stops me from actually making decisions. But the sad and funny thing is that I’m constantly regretting. Anyways, you know all this about me already either in your heart or in your mind.
I know you want me to make this clear, consise, and direct with no room for confusion. But I need to tell you this one last little thing first cause you are the only one listening. I know you’ll completely disagree with me because in this we are so different. I admire you so much for always moving forward with your life but I’m different. I need to go inside and try to figure it out from the inside… I’m not making sense sorry but here is my little story….
…I’ve loved six women in my life and all of them loved me so so much when we first got together but four of them in the end were so completely unattracted to me they couldn’t even kiss me. I’m not sure why but since this keeps happening I must assume that it’s me….the things my wife says to me hurt so much but it’s not the first time I’ve heard them which makes it more painful. I think I must be broken inside and I must fix this before I can be loved by someone else. I don’t know why but I can’t believe anyone can love me. And this must be so exhausting for the people who love me and eventually they get so frustrated they leave. Unless I can come to a place where I believe I am lovable, everyone will leave….
…..
So what am I trying to say? I’m saying right now I choose no one but myself. I don’t choose you, I don’t chose my wife, I chose me cause that is the only possible choice for me right now.
I’m so scared to loose my kids right now that I’m lying left right and centre. I tried to stay true to myself and I saw with bright clarity where that was going to take me… A place where I see my kids sometimes and another man is the father of my children….so I just started saying yes, whatever, I’m sorry, you’re right, I am an asshole, what do you need me to do, and now I’m lying so much it makes me sick. I hate myself so much right now and I hate my life. I am so angry its unbelievable. Not at you, not at all. You and my kids are the best things in my life…and the sea…God… I love seeing the sun rise and set over an open ocean.
I’m sorry I’ve caused you pain and sadness. I’m really sorry that I’m not there to hold you and tell you everything will be alright…..

Your misery needs to end now so your healing can begin…

So, I’m cutting my cloud that is tied to your cloud. Our story is done for now but I know it’s not done forever. There will be a day in the future where I will find you, I don’t know if that day is 1 year from now, 5 yrs, 10 yrs, or just before I die. I know you don’t care cause you live in the now, in the white or in the black. Words are meaningless and that’s true, only action has true meaning. I love you and will always love you. My happy place will always be the blue lagoon with you in my arms.

My truth is and my decision is that the only thing I care about right now is not losing my kids and I will do and sacrifice no matter what to make sure that doesn’t happen. I’m not choosing you, i’m definitely not choosing my wife, I’m choosing me and my kids. And to make that happen, I have to live a lie for a while. This makes me a weak man, I know.

Please let me go, find your happiness that you deserve, and keep loving yourself, life, and others the way you always do. Forget about me and move forward. You are the most beautiful, kind, and loving woman on this planet. I know you will find a man that will love you the way you truly deserve to be loved.
I have no idea how to end or even send this email so good bye Leila….’

 

 

 

We can also allow our Soulmate to pass us by,without accepting him or her,or even noticing. Then we will need another incarnation in order to find that Soulmate. And because of our selfishness, we will be condemned to the worst torture humankind ever invented for itself: loneliness.”

― Paulo Coelho, Brida

 

Three years… He made the logical decision and remained with his kids… But she met one of his good friends and was told that… up to this day… He wasn’t happy… Exhausted, aged before his time, sad and empty… She could still feel the void herself… But she knew you never build your happiness on somebody else’s unhappiness… He had a family and people depending on him… It was the right choice, even though it still ripped her soul apart… It all happens for a reason… And when we suffer… Our hearts grow… And We grow… We evolve… We are free…

The essence of Creation is one and one alone,” she said. “And that essence is called Love. Love is the force that brings us back together, in order to condense the experience dispersed in many lives and many parts of the world.

“We are responsible for the whole Earth because we do not know where they might be. Those Soul Mates we were from the beginning of time. If they are well, then we, too, will be happy. If they are not well, we will suffer, however unconsciously, a portion of their pain. Above all, though, we are responsible for reencoun- tering, at least once in every incarnation, the Soul Mate who is sure to cross our path. Even if it is only for a matter of moments, because those moments bring with them a Love so intense that it justifies the rest of our days.”

― Paulo Coelho, Brida

According to Paolo Coelho’s Brida, our soulmate has four parts and most of us are extremely lucky if in a current life we meet three of them.

“Is it possible to meet more than one Soul Mate in each life?”

“Yes,” thought Wicca with a certain bitterness. And when that happens, the heart is divided, and the result is pain and suffering. Yes, we can meet three or four Soul Mates, because we are many and we are scattered.

― Paulo Coelho, Brida

 

Paolo Coelho explains this so very beautiful… This is what your true soulmate is, Leila thought…

“Brida’s eyes filled with tears. She was proud of her Soulmate.

That is what the forest taught me. That you will never be mine, and that is why I will never lose you. You were my hope during my days of loneliness, my anxiety during moments of doubt, my certainty during moments of faith.

Knowing that my Soulmate would come one day, I devoted myself to learning the Tradition of the Sun. Knowing that you existed was my one reason for continuing to live.’

Brida could no longer conceal her tears.

Then you came, and I understood all of this. You came to free me from the slavery I myself had created, to tell me that I was free to return to the world and to the things of the world. I understood everything I needed to know, and I love you more than all the women I have ever known, more than I loved the woman who, quite unwittingly, exiled me to the forest. I will always remember now that love is liberty. That was the lesson it took me so many years to learn. That is the lesson that sent me into exile and now sets me free again.’

I will always remember you, and you will remember me, just as we will remember the evening, the rain on the windows, and all the things we’ll always have because we cannot possess them.”

― Paulo Coelho, Brida

 

 

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